Today is cycle day 10 for me. I don’t know what exactly is going on with me considering this is usually when I am feeling my best but to be honest I am feeling very far from that. I’ve been avoiding writing because I don’t want to lie or sugar coat how I am feeling. I also am embaressed of the way I have been feeling so I don’t want to talk about it but I think it’s important for me to share this now while I am feeling it and not wait to talk about how it happened later.

I have been having major suicidal ideation since returning back from Florida. Part of me does question whether or not drinking during the time I was out of town could be having lasting effects on me/increasing my PMDD symptoms. I hadn’t drank in over three months before last week. I am not going back to drinking like I did before (I wasn’t an alcoholic but it was something that was part of a lot of events I would attend). Drinking wine while watching Real Housewive’s and the Bachelor is just what you do, ya know?

I think it is a culmination of things. I think being away from my family and friends for over two years now has really weighed on me in ways I didn’t realize. I didn’t know how bad my social anxiety had become until I was placed in social evironments I haven’t really been in a lot the past two years. I went directly from not drinking for three months, not having sugar for a month, and working out everyday not seeing much of anyone, to drinking, eating what ever I wanted whenever I wanted and not working out. The thing is though, I was happy.

I think happiness is very important in life and to your health. Stress and loneliness can kill a person, and we’ve seen unhealthy people who are happy live until one hundred. I’m not saying I am going to just throw everything out the door and go back to my ways of being a 20 year old. I just miss my friends and family. I miss living close enough to the people who I dungeon with. I miss living near my girls I can go to movies and get wine with at a moments notice. I miss being able to just show up at friends houses because I am in the area and seeing my niece and nephews.

I am talking about all of this so that I don’t just give you my “tool kit” for PMDD without understanding where certain things come from. One of the biggest things I’ve had to do since learning I had PMDD was to get extremely intune with my body and mind. Which takes forever and I am still not all the way there (which I don’t even think that is totally possible). Understanding my body and mind better allows me to know:

• Who is my best support system
• What I need to be prepared for
• Where I feel safe and calm
• When to and when not to push myself
• How to survive my own insideous thoughts

My Tool Kit:

• Always having Famotidine (10 mg- 20 mg for harder days) on hand
• Making sure I am working out consistently on better days
• Keeping my period tracking app and all my symptoms during all times of the month
• Keeping my notes in my note app clear in regards to which days I feel work best for certain medications
• Talking to my partner about certain situations or difficult things when I am not in hell week to avoid eruptions
• The PMDD community is something I didn’t even realize I had until this month and it’s definitely a game changer
• Eating less sugar (seems to help a little)

Something new I am trying this month is CBD. Crossing my fingers because I have yet to find anything that helps me sleep through the night.

You guys got anything in your tool kit you might recommend to me?!